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Stupid Cleaner

I have a long history of bad choices in vacuum cleaners. I’m certain this comes from the fact that vacuuming is not at the top of my money spending priority list. Vacuum cleaner…shoes…vacuum cleaner…new coat…vacuum cleaner…fine wine… You see my dilemma.

There was the old white and orange stick vacuum I bought at a yard sale when I moved into my first apartment. That one lasted quite a few years because I was single and I didn’t make any messes. Then I bought a newer model stick vacuum but that one broke at the neck after only about a year. Luckily, I was getting married so I just used the one that came with the house my husband bought from his grandmother’s estate. It was an old Hoover upright that was already well used by the time I got it. But free. It worked fairly well for carpets but not so much for hardwood floors.

So a few years later, when we moved into our house with lots of wood floors, I bought another stick vacuum which I still have. I must have picked it up for Christmas one year because we were all sitting around talking about what Santa got us and when I said “And what did Mommy get?”, my then 2-year old son said, “Stupid cleaner” so seriously, we cracked up for hours afterward. I don’t remember uttering the words, but I’m sure he didn’t get them from nowhere.

Anyway, one vacuum cleaner didn’t cut it for a two-story house. So I put Gram’s upstairs and paid real money for a Dirt Devil upright. Okay, it was on sale for $75. Not that much really, but decent enough. It has been a good little soldier but it’s a royal pain in transition from hardwood to carpet to vinyl flooring to area rugs. And it can’t do stairs for beans.

And then last week, Gram’s vacuum cleaner died. It went up in a little puff of smoke. Literally.

So this time, I decided to spend the money and buy a “real” vacuum cleaner. One that has all those cool attachments onboard and almost does the vacuuming for you. Right. Wishful thinking.


I did my research. Everyone is like, “You have to buy a Dyson.” And then I priced Dyson’s. Sorry but if I’m paying $600 for a vacuum cleaner, I better be able to drive it.

Finally, I settled for a Eureka Boss SmartVac Upright Vacuum


Isn’t it pretty? Minimal assembly required and I was in business in a flash.

Let me tell you, my floors will never be the same. It cleaned my carpet within an inch of its life. It’s self-propelled so it practically drags me across the floor. The cord is miles long, the suction is scary and it goes over all my various flooring with ease. On the downside, it’s a little hefty and once it gets hold of something, its as good as gone.

As I’m going over my floors, my now 12-year old son walks in and says, “Hey, a stupid cleaner.”

Some things never change.